Critique of Sample Essays

Criteria for a Good Extended Definition Essay:

·         Has the three basic parts of an essay

·         Introduction has an attention-grabber, some background information and thesis statement

·         Body develops the ideas well and uses rhetorical patterns

·         Conclusion does not introduce new information, summarizes the given information and ends with a tone of finality

·         Ideas are organized well

·         Transitional devices are used

·         Sentences were readable: minimal run-on sentences, comma splices, and incomplete phrases

·         Essay is informative, interesting and goes beyond the typical definition

Extended Definition Essay 1 : “Bayanihan: The Immortal Filipino Hero”

               

The essay had all three basic parts. Its introduction provided background information on the term “Bayanihan” and has a thesis statement. The writer was able to smoothly develop the ideas with very few transitional devices. The conclusion ended the essay with an inspiring yet final tone to it. The ideas were well organized and the essay was very easy to read. It was highly informative due to the provided background information yet interesting as well because the writer was able to relate an old concept like “bayanihan” to modern sports. Indeed, the writer went well beyond the dictionary meaning of the word.

Extended Definition Essay 2: “Of Ink And Needle”

                The introduction was definitely attention grabbing and provided background information. The body was able to develop the ideas well although it was short compared to the introduction. The conclusion ended the essay with a tone of finality but was also very short. Both the body and the conclusion felt very rushed. The ideas were organized well and transitional devices were used. Some parts were hard to read due to the several mistakes in punctuation and run-on sentences. All in all, the essay was informative because of its extensive background information, interesting because it discussed tattoos and piercings both in historical and modern perspectives. However, I am unsure whether the writer went beyond the dictionary meaning or not for the essay discussed how the significance of tattoos and piercings have devolved but did not present a new view or a deeper definition of it.